I wanted to try to be as healthy as I could. So once the first trimester nausea and exhaustion were over I started working out again. I went to the gym 4 days a week and did the elliptical for 50 minutes each time. I ate pretty well but did treat myself to ice cream and pizza here and there. I mean this was the first time in my life I didn't have to diet! I figured with all the working out I was doing those treats wouldn't be a big deal anyway. I went to the gym religiously until I was 37 weeks along. Regardless of all that gym time, I felt myself getting bigger. Every time I had a doctor appointment I had to step on the scale. Every time, the numbers crept up and up and up. The nurses were so sweet and would shave a number or two off for me after seeing the look of horror on my face. My OB told me not to worry, that a lot of it was water weight, which was very normal with a first pregnancy, and to go treat myself to some Dairy Queen. He is by far the best doctor on the planet. My baby and I were healthy and that's all that mattered. But I got bigger and bigger. I started waddling. My belly was so heavy that my back hurt from standing for more than a few minutes. The doctors said Henry was just going to be a big baby. We were looking at a 9 pounder at least and if he got too big they would have to take him out early. I was horrified. All that ice cream and pizza I ate made my baby fat!! I was going to have a fat baby! I already ruined him and he would have to start dieting on day one, the poor little fatty. Ugh just like his mom, good old Violet.
Well by week 37 in my pregnancy I just gave up. I couldn't bear the thought of waddling my huge ass to the gym anymore. I only had three weeks to go so I might as well take it easy, and since I hadn't been able to see my feet in months anyway I may as well enjoy a pepperoni calzone for dinner again. I was a little embarrassed of my hugeness so I decided to spend most of my time at home. Getting dressed was a hassle and it was so damn hot out, that I just wore my gigantic maternity swim suit almost every day. I sat on our balcony working on my tan and occasionally throwing cold water over my head in leu of a swimming pool. I had the best tan of my life.
Well finally the day came where I would meet my little chubster. To everyone's surprise, especially mine, Henry came out a tiny little 6 pounds! I was so relieved I hadn't created an obese newborn! Then I realized how much weight I actually put on by myself that I thought was him. At the end of my pregnancy I had gained 50 pounds. I was hoping Henry would weigh at least 15.
Two weeks after giving birth I had lost 20 pounds of water weight. So my dear doctor was right about all that swelling. But that still left me with 30 more pounds to lose on my own if I wanted to be my pre-pregnancy weight; 40 if I wanted to be my wedding day weight. I had to recover from the c-section for at least six weeks before even attempting any trips to the gym and even after that I had to take it slow. But I figured I had time since everyone was telling me "9 months on, 9 months off!". If anyone looked at me like I was a fatty, at least I could say it was because I just had a baby. I had prepared statements in my head in case anyone commented on my weight, "well I gained weight because I was pregnant! What's your excuse?!". I don't know why I thought total strangers would be commenting on my fatness but I was prepared just in case.
So I started counting my calories and hitting the gym three days a week. I'm breastfeeding which means I have to lose weight slowly or it could affect my milk supply. I thought just by breastfeeding I would lose weight quickly. I had heard so much about women who never worked out but just breastfed and lost all their pregnancy weight. I thought breastfeeding would be the equivalent of running a few miles every day and I would be super svelte in no time. I learned pretty early on what a crock that theory was! I was going to have to work at it. No easy outs for me.
So Henry is 8 months old and I've lost almost 40 pounds so far, including the water weight. I still have 11 or more to go before I'll be really happy with my body. It's been a long and slow road and I've definitely lacked motivation along the way. I've fallen off the diet wagon a few times and had to get back on again. It's hard to stay motivated for such a long time. Staring longingly at my size 4 jeans in my closet only gets me so far. But I'm starting to feel like my pregnancy excuse is almost up. I can't use my "well I had a baby!" comeback when Henry is a year old! My "9 months on, 9 months off" window is closing! Fear was a great motivator for my wedding. But then I didn't have a baby and could devote 6 days a week to the gym. So I'm trying to find myself some good inspiration right now to get myself to the finish line. Maybe I should hang my ginormous maternity swimsuit on the wall next to my little size small swimsuit, with a sign that reads "SUMMER IS COMING!!" next to them, so I can be reminded to eat well every day.
For anyone out there reading this who has also struggled with his or her weight, what has motivated you to keep going when you're in a rut?
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